And so it goes...

still waiting for my hoverboard...

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Color Commentary pt. 1

Welcome to a new section of my lil' corner of the blogospere in which I, Joe Flaherty, pick apart insignificant worldly oddities with innane, asinine babble.

So, the economy is in the toilet, nobody has luxury money like they did before.  Point in case, Hollywood Video is belly up and last weekend I spent a good thirty minutes picking clean the bones with my fellow jackals.  I walked away with ten gently used blu-rays and a copy of Lego Rock Band for under $50 bones American, which I'm told will buy you half a gondola ride in Venice.

Video stores are sadly going away, which saddens me as my first gig was working at a video store.  I was of the genereation of hidden "diamond in the rough" creative talent a la Taratino who were too cool for school and knew it.  I was a movie snob and am a cautionary tale of untapped potential but that is another story for another time.  Point is, it won't be long before the old Blockbuster video is no longer as well what with the advent of Gamefly, Netflix, and the Redbox kiosks.

I myself have dabbled in all three to various successes.  Game fly blew, completely.  horrible tun around time and no availability.  Netflix was great.  So great in fact that if you type into your browser it will pull up Netflix.  This WAS the case of course until the signed whatever deal to delay my new releases 28 days.  The only thing that should arrive after 28 days are Zombies.  So they lost my luxury dollar.  Redbox I have just started to use.

***sidebar*** just peed on a cricket.  That and science make my world go round.

I used to rest movies from the Playstation Network at iTunes for costs ranging between $3.99-$5.99, and even went ondemand via DirecTV as well for a similar price point.  My mother of all people introduced me to the kiosk option.  At one dollar a day per rental it is the much better option as both Playstation and iTunes give you a viewing for your money.  But they downside of course as my mother summed it up is that thios kiosk took at least three jobs away,  The grunts at the video store who stock, ring you up, then judge you after you leave.  Its a brutal cycle.

So after work I stop at a kiosk looking for a movie.  Im not picky, any movie will do.  I settle on Legion, the angel come down from heaven with tats and six pack abs to save the second coming from bad guy demon angels.  I wish I could say that I rented it for the top flight casting of Roc, but I can't.

The movie is just getting to the "good" part but I paused it to conduct this masterpiece of wordsmanship which oughta speak volumes of said good parts of this particular movie.

Dennis Quaid is in this movie, and is the most famous.  Follwing is the aforementioned Roc, The kid from Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift: Electric Boogaloo, The hot slutty chick from Friday Night Lights, and Tyrese as the token gangster.

The movie sucks, Hot chick from FNL was also in Supernatural on the seedub, which makes me sad that Im not watching Supernatural right now instead as that progrum deals with the ethereal so much better.

On to my point.  Dennis Quaid is in this crap.  The same year Dennis Quaid was in G. I. Joe.  Dennis Quaid had kids, twins I believe that were knocking on death's door due to an inadvertant poisoning in the neonatal ward when they were given a certain type of blood thinner of which I don't have the name for.  The kids were way bad off and I remember reading about the family's ordeal and pulling for the kids, Fineas and Pherb, I believe were their names.

So heres, Dennis Quaid, star of Jaws 3-D, and the lesser Doc Holliday and how does he work through the threat of his kids melting from the inside?  By filming both this travesty and G.I. Joe.  Shameful Dennis Quaid, Shameful.

Now, all one of you reading this, don't go correcting me on the fact that his kids were free and clear and healthy by the time he filmed these, It honestly does not matter.  Crap is crap.  I could write a better Michael the archangel ploy with a pilot G2 wedged between my buttcheeks, in fact I have.  After a vigorous icing of the ample junk my lord gave me I will post my first draft.  For the record the outline took roughly twenty minutes, five minutes of which consisted of teaching the pucker the muscle memory required to click a pilot G2.

Until then, Shame on you Dennis Quaid.  You shoulda' stayed in the hospital taking care of business and not assaulting my spongy gray matter.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a special forth of July edition of a new segment called, look what I spnt money on, in which I deconstruct George Lucas' whoredom...

Signing off with a soon to be trademark signoff,
En todo momento, haz lo que el amor te pide.

God bless, just not the God depicted in Legion